Wednesday, November 19, 2008

What to make of it?

This has been a hard few weeks. It started with a letter from the Tokyo marathon organizers saying, very politely, that I was not accepted to enter as all places had been taken. I shook my head and headed for the computer to make alternate plans. One week later I'm holding a ticket to Hawaii and I'm booked in to run the
12th Annual Big Island International Marathon on March 22nd in the town of Hilo.

Pays not to be too despondent about set backs, like not getting into Tokyo, there is always another marathon, as they say. Anyone care to join me? Seriously! I'll be there for 8 days from the 18th of March, by myself, and could do with some company.

With this good news came some pretty soul shaking news. My running mate here, Eddie, you may have noticed a few of his recent comments on this blog, has turned up dead! I know he had been depressed, of late, and I talked to him about the value of holding on and all that shit, but Eddie decided it was all too much and took his own life.

Look, I won't say he was wrong, who knows what he was going through. But I will say I'm shocked that he actually went through with it and that I won't be able to talk with him again. There goes our budding racing rivalry.

So what to make of it? I don't know. I'm going to put it down to a chemical imbalance and try to continue to prove to myself that there are things in this world worth living for.

Still, it will take me a while to get over the fact that no matter how close we are to other people, we often get so into ourselves and our own pain that we fail to understand that we can know what the other is going through and that we want to help.

A song to match my mood. Goodbye Eddie.


  1. Sorry to hear your news Scott. So sad :( You must be feeling so empty.

    You are right, who knows what he was going through. And whether anything or anyone could have helped. Perhaps without friends like you and the joy he got from his running this may have happened sooner. And think about how much you personally contributed to some good and fun times in his life with your racing rivalry.

    Beautiful song choice.

  2. That's terribly sad. There are so many, many, things in this world worth living for. As Percy Cerutty "said", why die?

    Sorry you missed out on polite, freezing Tokyo - Big Island sounds the perfect alternative.

  3. I am so sorry about Eddie, Scott.

    The Big Island Marathon sounds great. Unfortunately I have used up a lot of my brownie points with my recent adventure so won't be able to accept your invitation.

  4. Sorry to hear about your friend Scott.

    I think there are just some things we will never fully understand.

  5. My ability to join you depends a lot on a favorable lotto result so put me down as a very very weak maybe.

    Sorry to hear about your friend it is such sad news.

  6. Scott, I'm sorry. I haven't been following blogs or writing in my own much for some time, but am doing some very tentative catching up at the moment and found this. I am very, very sorry to hear of your loss. I cannot pretend to understand what people like Eddie experience that leads to that decision, but I have known a few and I guess all we can do is hope that it was a release. It is too easy to say that it is never an alternative. Rest in peace Eddie. For us who are left, we have a responsibility to live with greater intensity.

  7. Sorry to hear the news Scott. I always try to remain philosophical when hardship strikes, but when I lost one of my best mates to an accident a few years ago I found it very hard to think philosophically about anything. But, I eventually came about to realise that his passing didn't detract in any way from all the great times we had.

    Can they seriously fill all the spots? Glad you found an alternative (and in a great location)! Unfortunatley I can't come because it's in the middle of the crazy season for me.