Went to see our "Orix Buffaloes" pro baseball team play today with G'Dad and the kids! Nice day out! One of the best things being the girls walking around with beer kegs on their back serving draught beer! And if that wasn't enough there were these giant sized hot dogs! I think I now understand the George Bush refrain of "They hate us for our freedom."
Related to old George, how about them catching and killing Osama? Is it only me or does this life seem like a made for TV movie! We seem to go from one thing to another with no time to catch our breath! My own life recently has taken a turn towards the dramatic!
I'll relate a story from last Saturday morning. I woke up in my usual daze clutching the wall and pulling myself up it to my feet, we sleep on a futon on the ground. There was a basket of washing on the side table that I'd bumped, and I thought at the time, cleverly caught and replaced back on the table.
Anyway, I headed out of the bedroom into the kitchen naked except for a pair of "Sponge Bob" boxers, poured out a cup of coffee and stared out the window to see what kind of day it was. Before my second sip I felt a strange sensation, a dripping and a wet feeling on my feet. I looked down slowly to see several big splotches of deep red blood on my feet!
For some strange reason I looked up to the ceiling thinking that the blood had came from there but when I couldn't see anything I instinctively shoved my hand down my boxes fearing the worse! Well everything seemed connected but I pulled out my hand and it was blood red to the wrist!!
I rushed to the bathroom in a state of panic that you can probably understand only if you've seen "Alien" or your family name is "Bobbit"! On pulling down my shorts I let out a blood curdling scream that brought in my two sons. One, the youngest had a ghost white face and the other a smile that had me thinking, in a vain effort to make sense of this, that he'd set it up! After yelling at him "What have you done to me!" I proceeded to wash my groin area I was at this stage covered in thick blood from my navel to my knees!
"Jesus Christ this is coming from my old fella" I screamed, or something to that affect! I grabbed the shower hose again and turning it harder on myself I attempted to see where this blood was coming from! If this was you, would you rather that the blood was coming from your front hole or back one? Yes, I know it's the kind of a lose, lose answer but luckily I found the leak and it was coming from my sack!
You'd think that "Luckily" and blood coming from ones ball bag should not be used in the same sentence but I was able to stop the blood flow and make sense of why I was standing buck naked, surrounded by (mostly) concerned family members in a pool of my own blood!
Once the panic had subsided I put it together rather quickly. I seems like when I snatched the falling washing basket the steel buckle on my sports watch had cut deep into my scrotum and produced this fearsome deluge!
I'm fine now but it did put things into perspective. I mean when you think you are bleeding profusely from the penis your case of Plantar Fasciitis and Achilles tendinitis tend to fade in importance!
Nevertheless my present injuries remain an issue that I'll touch on next post.
"bloody hell" (as Ewen would say)
ReplyDeleteRiveting account. Yes, that would be a frightening experience.
ReplyDeleteI suppose I shouldn't ask why the second son was smiling....
Thank god there are NO photos of the event :0]
ReplyDeleteSelf harming is not a good thing Scott, maybe you need to see a councillor and buy some super glue to stop the leak!
I don't think you have any idea just how much that report made me squirm. I can virtually feel your pain!
ReplyDeleteAnd there I was thinking you wore your arm warmers to bed.
ReplyDeleteAs Jerry Lee Lewis would say - Goodness gracious great balls of fire! ...........although i'd say great balls of steel if the only nerve endings to register the event were in your feet.
Must have hurt!! Did you manage to get the blood out of Sponge Bob?
ReplyDeleteBloody oath I'd say "bloody hell" Speedygeoff!
ReplyDeleteThat was scarier than the shower scene from Psycho. You should have used cold water and you would have found it (the cut, not your old fella) faster. Thanks for the lesson Scott - from here on in, I'm running without a watch!
What were you doing wearing a watch in bed? Apart from that sleeping next to the laundry might be the problem.
ReplyDeleteScary account Scott. I particularly appreciated the second photo on this post. Is this supposed to be an allegory to your accident. That's a big baseball bat he's holding! And what are you sons doing with their cups and hands ?
ReplyDeleteJuan Pelota - Lance Armstrong's alter ego on twitter. It was so nearly you (you'll need to do some google spanish/english translation!)
ReplyDeleteThat was so funny!
ReplyDeleteI found myself going from concerned to LOL as you told the story!
Do you even have an upstairs? And to think the blood was dripping from the ceiling! Then I thought it was a set up by your son, and then to think of shreiking and washing yourself in front of the whole family! Hilarious
Hope you recover from all injuries quickly!
Cheers
A ball tearer of a story.
ReplyDeleteA few months back my hand started spontaneously bleeding when out on a run. Odd feeling indeed.